Welcome

Hi.  Are you here from Facebook?

Are you ready for the bomb?

I have breast cancer.

Take a moment....

Ok?

Now, on to the questions:
How did it happen?
Sometime in mid January Hubby noticed my boob looked funny.  We've been married for like ever and we talk to each other like bffs.  As I walked by him to hop in the shower, he says, "Hey, what's up with your boob?" (mean what you say, say what you mean, that's how we do) To which I reply "huh?"  I had to look in the mirror to see what he meant by that.  Because honestly, who really looks at themselves naked in the mirror?  I don't. Not ever.  I don't want to lose my lunch, haha. But I digress.  My left nipple definitely looked weird.  It was pointing kinda sideways and looked wonky. So upon further inspection, there was a definite something in there.  hm. I gotta get that checked.  Made an appointment with my gyno in the next few days and she referred me to a breast surgeon because it's "suspicious". That specific breast surgeon was out for all of January for her annual vacay, so I had to wait until Feb 2. No biggie. I wasn't worried. Yet.
My birthday came and went.  I really wasn't thinking about it.  I don't like to stress. Feb 2 came and my appointment was for 10:00 am.  I spent the rest of the day there. I didn't leave until 5:00 pm.  Even hubby came after he got off work at 3:00 pm. She had me go through an ultrasound, a mammogram, another ultrasound, and a core biopsy.  Turns out there are a total of 6 "masses". SIX.  But only one can be felt with a typical exam. You know, the kind with the hands, squeezing and pinching.  Anyway, biopsies of the two larger masses were sent to the lab and an appointment for results were scheduled for 2 days later.  I started to worry.  That core biopsy was kinda awful. It hurt and the thingy she used to biopsy the masses was like a little hook that stabbed the meat in there while taking a chunk of it with every click.  Gross I know. Anyway, fast forward two days and hubby and I are back for the results. She comes in hands me the pathology report and says "It's cancer".  Damn.  I just stare at her.  Did I just hear her say that word?  She seemed like she was waiting.  Waiting for me to start crying, or something. I didn't. Not until I looked at hubby, who was pouting. Oh God hear come the tears.  She hands me tissues and says some things I can't remember right now, and walks out.  I'm really crying as the door closes. Hubby is crying too.  I know why he is crying, but I'm crying because I don't want to tell my kids.  I don't want my kids to hurt. I stop crying after a few minutes but my hubby hasn't stopped. Humor is my way of coping so I say to him "Hey! You've been trying to get rid of me forever. Here ya go!". To which he replies, "Yeah, but you never would leave so you're kinda stuck with me." I love this man.

Why are you bald?
I started chemo March 9.  Ive had my second round last week.  And as my oncologist predicted I started losing my hair after round 2.  More about that on the post below.

Mastectomy?
Yes, Complete mastectomy 3 weeks after the last round of chemo. I will be getting new boobs ! YAY!  As my bestie Marsh says "GO BIG OR GO HOME!"  Yes indeedy!

Are you still working?
No. My oncologist took me off work as of last Monday.

Do the kids know?  How did they take it?
We told Tyler the day we found out.  He is stubborn and wanted to know right away what the results were.  So I was forced to tell him, in a crowded restaurant, before our order was brought to the table.  He bawled. For a long time.  It broke my heart. I didn't know what to say.  We waited to tell the other three until we had a definitive plan.  We told them at home in the evening.  Bubba took it really hard and Nate cried more because his big brother was crying.  Lai cried as she watched me cry.  We explained that cancer is nobody's fault, nothing they did made it happen, that it's not contagious, and that it doesn't change how we feel about them and how things at home will be.  It was hard, but I needed them to know so I can talk freely about it and that they know what cancer is and if they have questions they can ask me anytime. 

Do I need anything? How can I help?
Just pray for us.  Mostly that's what we need.  God has a plan.  If you feel strongly about doing something.  Bring food.  My littles eat a lot. And it would help so much. 

How do you feel?
Chemo sucks.  SUCKS.  But I am trying to be positive.  I've gotten two rounds under my belt.  I'm closer to finishing than I was a month ago.  God made me for this.  I was built to fight this battle.  This is part of my purpose.  He will never leave me nor forsake me. 

If you have anymore questions, you can leave it in the comments and I will answer asap.

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I'll post as much as possible to keep you up to date.

Love you all
L